Let me start by giving you some background information. Before we became pregnant with Ayden, we had a pregnancy that ended with a loss around week 18. On a routine prenatal visit, no heart beat was detected and the follow up ultrasound confirmed our fears. We chose to be induced and the pregnancy ended in the hospital. This was an extremely difficult time for us. I try to take something positive out of each experience and out of this tragedy we acquired a deeper appreciation for the lives we shared.

Although I had heard others speak of the great mind-body connection I was a skeptic. Of course by this time I was ready to try anything so I spent that afternoon searching my soul. It came to me. Our previous birth ended in such a terrible loss and all I could think at the time was that I wanted my baby back. I was feeling very frightened about having to face this experience again. I spent the afternoon reliving the experience, examining it, accepting it and giving myself permission to grieve. I 'invited my fear to tea'!

It worked. That night I woke up at 1:00am with mild contractions. Excited by the fact that it was finally happening I sprung out of bed and went about rearranging all of the living room furniture and setting up our birth tub. I do not recommend this to my clients. Finally at 4:00am I woke my husband with the good news. He too sprung from bed and bounded down the steps eager to 'get the show on the road'. We chatted and spoke of what he hoped would happen, who needed to be called and any last minute preparations we should do. My contractions had been 3 minutes apart but were not strong so we decided to wait for a reasonable time to contact our midwife. We spend some wonderful time together, just the two of us, relaxing in the shower, talking and cuddling.

Finally at around 7:30 am we contacted the midwife and gave her the good news. We told her not to hurry. Things had slowed down with the shower, my contractions were now 10 minutes apart but getting a bit more intense. We called in the troops. The younger two kids went to my husband's parent's house down the street. Our oldest was 9 and was eager to act as doula in training. My father had arrived from Kentucky two weeks earlier and was elated to hear it was finally happening. My mother was on her way and my sister-in-law arrived about the same time as the midwives.

Kara Brockington (my sister-in-law) had been at our son Gaelen's home birth and was a wonderful doula for us. She had just started midwifery school and we wanted Ayden's birth to be the first baby she 'caught'. I found my contractions were very erratic. When I was sitting or relaxing they were 10 minutes apart and when I was active they were 3 minutes apart. This was fine for me since walking during labour is my preferred coping technique for active labour. When my parents arrived we asked them to take our oldest out for lunch since things were still crawling along.

My husband and I went for a brisk walk, hoping to bring the contractions back strong and steady. It worked.

When we decided to do an internal examination, we were all pleasantly surprised when Michelle announced I was 6 to 7 cm. She asked Carron to confirm and she agreed. Carron became concerned however that the baby may not be positioned properly and contacted Mary Ann Leslie, our secondary midwife. She suggested we may need to transfer to the hospital but since I was fine and the baby was fine we decided to wait until Mary Ann came to get another opinion.

We had a nice walk and finally returned to the house with strong contractions 3 minutes apart. With the wonderful guidance of Kara, the learning I had done on my own and my past experience with birth I was handling my contractions very well. This allowed me to relax and enjoy the experience and when I wasn't having a contraction we were able to laugh and enjoy each other's company.

When Mary Ann arrived she found that the baby's position was correct but became concerned that he had not descended into the pelvis and that my water had not broken. I had a biophysical profile done the day before and the obstetrician who performed it thought the baby was around 7lb 6oz and that I had excessive amniotic fluid. The concern came because if the water breaks in a sudden gush and the baby's head is not engaged in the pelvis there is room for the umbilical cord to slip past the head and into the vagina. If this happened then when the baby's head does descend the cord is pinched and the baby is not able to receive the blood and oxygen it needs to survive. The discussion was once again started regarding transferring to the hospital.

I was familiar with the situation as it had come up with our previous home birth. I was concerned with the accuracy of the biophysical profile as all of my babies had been large than 7lb 6oz and this baby had felt the largest. (Actually he would be 9lbs 12oz when he was born.) We discussed our options and decided on something different, a controlled breaking of the water. I laid on my back on the couch, Carron gently but firmly pushed the baby down into the pelvis (which he did easily), Michelle helped to keep the baby's head aligned from outside my abdomen and Mary Ann attempted to put a small hole in the bag of water, cover it with her finger and release the fluid slowly. The fluid came out with a big gush however and everyone just held their places for a few contractions and crossed their fingers that Ayden would stay where he was put. It worked! When they examined the amniotic fluid they did not feel it was an excessive amount.

By this time my parents had returned with our oldest. We contacted James' mom and asked her to bring the younger children down, including Kara's daughter Sydney. My preferred method for dealing with transition is to have someone count so I can focus on their talking and fingers. This was a wonderful activity to get the kids involved. The only problem was that the younger ones would suddenly get up and run off to play leaving me without my focus. This was not a problem and actually quite comical. 

Our youngest at the time was a little to exuberant with the water, splashing it in my face when I was having a contraction, but we found a great way to distract him. Notice in the background of this picture, the big bottle of pop and the bowl of chips, much more interesting than mom in the tub!

At this point I was exhausted. I had been up all night and day and my pregnancy had been very tiring. I didn't think I would have the energy to push this child out. I gave up! I totally released my mind and gave in to the power of my body. I didn't do it out of trust but out of exhaustion but the results were absolutely amazing. I have heard others talk of the higher plain that many try to reach through spirituality or meditation. I achieved it through birth! All I could hear, in a room full of people, was my husband's voice. Encouraging and loving me while I was enveloped in his warm arms and laid against his chest. I was no longer aware of my surroundings and simply reacted to the animal instincts surging through my body to birth this child. The voice I heard did not sound like my own but came instead from somewhere deep inside of me. With every push I could feel every part of the baby move down and into my birth canal. I remember saying, to no one in particular, "here he comes".

Suddenly there were hands, I would learn later that by the way I had said it they knew they had to hurry and some weren't even able to put on their gloves.

My husband commented to me after what an amazing sight it was for him, "All I could see were these hands. All these loving hands welcoming him to us." I didn't understand until I was able to see this beautiful picture my mother-in-law was able to capture.

My mother commented that when Ayden was born our youngest jumped up and down with joy and kept saying "My baby brother's here, my baby brother's here...".

The universe gave us a gift that day. Our amazing little baby and also healing from a loss deeply buried. When I talk to mothers about attempting an unmedicated birth it is not to diminish the other experiences I have, it is to share and offer to them this gift bestowed on me, this feeling that I had soared in the stars and could face anything that ever came my way. I like to think that this experience helped me to appreciate my baby more. To not see him as a strain on my resources when I was tired and frustrated, but to see him as the one who gave me such a gift, the gift of self awareness, self respect and self confidence. All of these things together gave me something beyond words.....